September 25, 1998 - Pulse on the Net
Etiquette For Gaming Geeks

CHAPTER 4: COMMON COURTESY

This year at Origins, I busted my ass to solve the puzzles in the Maze of Games. As I stood with a handful of tokens poring over the merchandise at Crazy Abu's, a guy asked me to step away with him and talk about trading answers.

Now, it was a point of pride for me that I could solve any puzzle I found, but a lot of the vendors had acted dishonorably, in my opinion, by not revealing that they had puzzles available, so I was willing to swap for answers to puzzles I couldn't find. However, I also had a list of vendors that I hadn't hit up for puzzles yet, so I wanted to make sure I didn't get the answer to any puzzle that was still available to me.

This guy sat me down and immediately started reading off answers that I hadn't asked for, despite my trying to tell him to stop -- and then got pissed off at me when I didn't give him an equal number of my answers, and called me an asshole when I started to walk off.

What did he do wrong? First, he assumed that, like himself, all I cared about was getting tokens for answers. Second, he assumed that I would give him whatever he expected without being asked. Third, he jumped to the conclusion that I was trying to take advantage of him by taking something without giving anything in return (as if he'd even given me a chance to write down any of the answers he was reading off, which I didn't do and wouldn't have even if he'd gone slower). And fourth, he interpreted my reaction to his rudeness as MY attitude problem.

What could he have done instead? He could have asked what kind of terms I was willing to consider. He could have refrained from expecting anything from me until we had concluded an agreement. He could have apologized for trying to railroad me into a deal that served him far more than it served me. In short, he could have thought past himself for a moment.

Once again, remember that the world does not revolve around you. Consider other people's attitudes and sensitivities. Before you criticize someone else, look to yourself and see whether you're really blameless. Their reaction to you, from their point of view, may be perfectly reasonable; before you pop off at them, try to understand it. And don't do to other people what you wouldn't want done to yourself. Courtesy is the grease in the wheels of society; it's always better to err on the side of politeness, and usually better to err on the side of tolerance.

(For the record, my acquaintance wasn't rude only to me: the staff at Crazy Abu's finally got fed up with him and banned him from the table. He wasn't short on tokens, either; a little consideration could have gotten him a lot of merchandise. Selfishness is ultimately self-defeating.)

Courtesy at the gaming table is just as important. Remember that a good game is equal parts competition and cooperation. Competition, by nature, is antisocial; it's the cooperative element, the agreement on rules and goals, that provides the fun. If you let the competition get out of hand, the game ceases to be fun for the less competitive player. This is equally true for the wargamer who, dissatisfied with mere victory, has to crush his opponent into the dirt; the Magic player with the arms-race mentality who outspends his opponents five-to-one; the Monopoly player who stubbornly refuses to trade properties with anyone; the glory-hogging or min-maxing roleplayer; and the player of any game who makes it his primary goal to cut others down rather than to build himself up. If you're only there for you, not to share the gaming experience with others, you shouldn't be playing.

Or, perhaps, it might be better to say that one should always play a game with other players who take the game equally seriously. Just as it's rude to go for victory at any cost in a casual group, it's also rude to play half-assed when the rest of your group is immersed in the experience deeply. It's a matter of compatibility; if you can't get along with your group, spare yourself -- and them -- the aggravation.

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Copyright © 1999-2002. ConsimWorld.COM. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited. Web Masters are encouraged to link directly to this page, this URL is not subject to change. For general site information: kranz@consimworld.com

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Copyright © 1999, 2000 ConsimWorld.COM. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission is prohibited. Web Masters are encouraged to link directly to this page, this URL is not subject to change. For general site information: kranz@consimworld.com